THE SILENT CHILD.. CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:07:56 +1000

Tag: youtube

WARNING,,,THIS VIDEO MAY TRIGGER! This is my reading of a poem describing the life of a child having to endure incest. When I first read it, it was like someone looked inside my bedroom growing up and wrote down what they saw. I recorded myself reading it to try and show others that don’t know what its like to be one of us.

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A SILENT CHILD OF INCEST. It was very hard to record this, and I could only read it through that one time.I don’t want to trigger horrible memories for any survivor, but I do want to let others know just what we had to endure as children.

PLEASE, BE A VOICE..FOR THE SILENT CHILDREN OF SEXUAL ABUSE…PLEASE!

http://aquestions.com/the-silent-chil...ual-abuse/

Attorney shares story of sex abuse by priest

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:40:51 +1000

Tag: usa

BY KATHLEEN LAVEY LANSING STATE JOURNAL

Old tiles unleash a flood of memories

LANSING -- Vintage ceramic tile and linoleum in his new workplace led attorney Gregory Guggemos to recall his days at St. Vincent home for children in the 1950s, he said Tuesday.

Guggemos said he was abused at that home by its founder, Msgr. John Slowey, who led Catholic Social Services of Lansing.

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He settled a claim against the Catholic Diocese of Lansing for $225,000 last month. He said he hopes telling his story will help his healing process -- and other victims of clergy abuse.

"I know now I did nothing wrong when I was at the orphanage. I have no responsibility for being sexually abused. I am a victim," said Guggemos, who formerly lived in Haslett.

His voice at times breaking with emotion, Guggemos read a 10-page statement at a news conference Tuesday detailing what he called the years-long process of recalling the abuse.

"I don't recall ever being this nervous in front of a judge," he said afterward.

Guggemos' claim against the diocese was paid Aug. 17. That's a week before Bishop Earl Boyea, leader of the 10-county Lansing diocese, said he believed another priest, the Rev. John Martin, abused at least a half-dozen boys who attended St. Isidore church in Laingsburg during the 1950s and early 1960s.

Slowey and Martin are both deceased.

Michael Diebold, spokesman for the diocese, said no other allegation has been made about Slowey, who founded the St. Vincent home on West Willow Street in 1952.

Guggemos, who lives in northern Michigan, said he and three of his five siblings were sent to the home in June 1954 when their mother became ill. They stayed until the next spring.

For years, Guggemos said, he had no recollection of his months at the orphanage, but began to think about that period after his mother died in August 1999. He delivered gifts to children at the home and took a tour of it shortly before Christmas of that year.

He said the ceramic tile and green-and-white linoleum in the building triggered memories. So did a particular door.

"When I saw this door, I experienced a tremendous knot in my stomach and a sense of fear that I had never felt before," he said. "I felt frozen in time. My heart began to race and my breathing became very rapid and shallow. I stood still and allowed these feelings to continue to surface.

By the end of 2001, Guggemos said, he had become convinced that something traumatic happened to him while he was at the home, and that Slowey was involved.

Guggemos hired a private investigator to look into Slowey's career. The investigator tracked Slowey's transfers from one place to another and told Guggemos that Slowey's history was consistent with reassignments of abusive priests.

Guggemos said that, at that time, he did not read the private investigator's written report. He received advice from other lawyers that the statute of limitations on his case had expired, so he decided not to pursue it.

In January 2008, Guggemos said, he started a new job in a historic building that had ceramic tile and linoleum similar to that in St. Vincent.

"I started feeling depressed and experienced a persistent sense of fear that I had never experienced before," he said.

Guggemos was hospitalized in January 2009 and has had difficulty working since. In April 2009, he said, a psychiatrist urged him to open the investigator's report, which contained a photo of Slowey.

"When I saw his picture, I threw all the papers up in the air and started crying uncontrollably," he said. "I had an immediate flashback to him, the orphanage and one incident of being sexually abused."

Guggemos took his story to a diocesan review board last fall.

"If there are any other people out there who were abused by Father Slowey or any other priest, we want them to come forward," Diebold said. "Our primary goal is to promote healing for the victims."

http://www.freep.com/article/20100901...z0yVNlns2A

Alleged Lansing priest sex abuse victim comes forward

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 13:43:32 +1000

Tag: usa

Kathleen Lavey • klavey@lsj.com

Attorney says he hopes his story helps others traumatized by clergy

Vintage ceramic tile and linoleum in his new workplace helped attorney Gregory Guggemos to recall his days at St. Vincent home for children in the 1950s - and what he believes was abuse at the hands of its founder, he said Tuesday.

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Guggemos, formerly of Haslett, settled a claim against the Roman Catholic Diocese of Lansing for $225,000 last month. Guggemos said he hopes identifying himself and telling his story will help his healing process - and other victims of clergy abuse.

"I know now I did nothing wrong when I was at the orphanage. I have no responsibility for being sexually abused. I am a victim," Guggemos said.

His voice sometimes breaking with emotion, Guggemos read a 10-page statement Tuesday detailing the years-long process of recalling of what he says was abuse by Monsignor John Slowey.

"I don't recall ever being this nervous in front of a judge," he said after making the presentation.

Guggemos' claim against the diocese was paid Aug. 17. That's a week before Bishop Earl Boyea, leader of the 10-county Diocese of Lansing, said he believes another priest, the Rev. John Martin, abused at least a half-dozen boys who attended St. Isidore church in Laingsburg during the 1950s and early 1960s.

Slowey and Martin are long dead.

Michael Diebold, spokesman for the diocese, said no other allegation has been made about Slowey, who founded the St. Vincent home on West Willow Street in 1952.

"However, if there are any other people out there who were abused by Father Slowey or any other priest, we want them to come forward," Diebold said. "Our primary goal is to promote healing for the victims."

Guggemos, who now lives in northern Michigan, said he and three of his five siblings were sent to the St. Vincent home in June 1954 when their mother became seriously ill. They stayed there until the spring of 1955.

For years, Guggemos said, he had no recollection of his months at the orphanage, but began to think about that period after his mother died in August 1999. Guggemos delivered gifts to children at the home and took a tour of it shortly before Christmas of that year.

He said the ceramic tile and green-and-white linoleum in the building, which was replaced in 2005 by a new one, triggered memories. So did a particular exterior door.

"When I saw this door I experienced a tremendous knot in my stomach and a sense of fear that I had never felt before," he said. "I felt frozen in time. My heart began to race and my breathing became very rapid and shallow. I stood still and allowed these feelings to continue to surface. They were horrible."

By the end of 2001, Guggemos said he had become convinced that something traumatic happened to him while he was at the home, and that Slowey was involved.

Guggemos hired a private investigator to look into Slowey's career. The investigator tracked Slowey's transfers from one assignment to another, and told Guggemos that Slowey's history was consistent with reassignments of abusive priests.

Priests often have numerous short assignments, Diebold said. "It's a question of giving priests experience in a variety of ministries," he said.

Guggemos said that, at that time, he did not read the private investigator's written report. He received advice from other lawyers that the statute of limitations on his case had expired, so he decided not to pursue it.

In January 2008, Guggemos said he started a new job in a historic building that had ceramic tile and linoleum similar to St. Vincent.

"I started feeling depressed and experienced a persistent sense of fear," he said.

Guggemos was hospitalized in January 2009 and has had difficulty working since. In April 2009, he said, a psychiatrist urged him to open the private investigator's report, which contained a photo of Slowey.

"When I saw his picture, I threw all the papers up in the air and started crying uncontrollably," Guggemos said. "I had an immediate flashback to him, the orphanage and one incident of being sexually abused by Slowey."

Guggemos quit his job in July 2009 and took his story to a diocesan review board last fall, at which his attorney represented him.

Guggemos signed the $225,000 settlement with the diocese July 27 and Boyea signed it Aug. 11. He was paid Aug. 17.

Diebold said the diocese paid the claim out of its accounts but will be reimbursed by an insurance company.

http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/ar...es-forward

A story of clergy sexual abuse

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 13:34:06 +1000

Tag: usa

A victim describes the aftermath of alleged abuse by a Catholic priest.

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“I tried to work past it,” said the man, a father who works in law enforcement and as a young boy wanted to become a priest himself. “I just figured it was too late to do anything.”

He is one of two Humboldt County men who filed lawsuits last month accusing the Santa Rosa Diocese of fraud and negligence for hiring the Rev. Patrick Joseph McCabe and failing to disclose his sexual misconduct to parishioners in Eureka.

Rev. Patrick Joseph McCabe is accused of molesting two boys in St. Bernard Church in Eureka. McCabe was already a known pedophile priest when he was sent to Eureka.

An interesting take away from this article was the conviction of the victim to “take it to his grave.” His shame was so great that it took the public acknowledgement of McCabe as a known abuser before the victim could bring the allegations to light. How hard must it be for someone to bury this kind of pain for so long? How is this religion authentic? Where is Christ in all of this? The truth is, there is no God and therefore these acts are just the corrupt practices of men drunk on a power granted by mysticism. We give them power. We can take it away.

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/...eka-priest

http://mojoey.blogspot.com/2010/09/st...abuse.html

Former altar boy describes aftermath of alleged abuse by Eureka priest

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:34:38 +1000

Tag: usa

By GUY KOVNER THE PRESS DEMOCRAT

Shame and fear of ridicule kept him quiet about alleged sexual abuse by a Catholic priest in Eureka nearly 30 years ago, a Humboldt County man said Tuesday.

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“For a man, there is so much shame involved in saying anything,” the 38-year-old man, who declined to give his full name, said in an interview.

“I tried to work past it,” said the man, a father who works in law enforcement and as a young boy wanted to become a priest himself. “I just figured it was too late to do anything.”

He is one of two Humboldt County men who filed lawsuits last month accusing the Santa Rosa Diocese of fraud and negligence for hiring the Rev. Patrick Joseph McCabe and failing to disclose his sexual misconduct to parishioners in Eureka.

The men, who both served as altar boys, were not identified in the lawsuits. They both allege they were repeatedly fondled by McCabe, now 74, at St. Bernard Church in Eureka in the early 1980s.

McCabe, who was removed from the priesthood in 1988, is in custody at Alameda County Jail pending extradition to Ireland to face charges of molesting six boys from 1973 to 1981.

He was transferred from Dublin, Ireland to the Santa Rosa Diocese in 1983, months after being designated as a pedophile at a church treatment facility in New Mexico, according to a lengthy report on misconduct by Irish priests released last year.

The man, whose first name is Greg, said he was infuriated by news reports that McCabe had been assigned to St. Bernard Parish by former Santa Rosa Bishop Mark Hurley, who was told of McCabe's condition by Irish church officials, according to the report.

“I found it incredibly unconscionable that (church officials) would shift a person from place to place and give him a new set of children to abuse,” the man said in a telephone interview arranged by his attorney.

Santa Rosa Bishop Daniel Walsh said last month there is no evidence of misconduct in McCabe's file or any indication Hurley, who died in 2001, was aware of it.

The alleged victim also faulted the Santa Rosa Diocese for failing to fulfill the transparency espoused by U.S. bishops in their policy on sexual misconduct adopted in 2002.

“They are still playing cover-up games,” the man said. “As far as I'm concerned they are still protecting them.”

He was referring to Walsh's refusal to identify nine of the 17 priests who served in the diocese and were accused of child sexual abuse. The other eight clergy were named by victims in various disclosures.

Dan Galvin, attorney for the diocese, said Tuesday there is no consideration being given to releasing the priests' names.

“I will stand on the bishop's prior statement,” Galvin said, noting Walsh's previous comment that the nine priests are either dead or no longer serving in the diocese.

Walsh did not return a telephone call on Tuesday.

Victims' advocates say the anonymity leaves an uninformed public vulnerable to the pedophiles' continued crimes.

“Wouldn't you like to know if you were McCabe's neighbor?” said Joseph George, a Sacramento attorney representing both alleged victims.

Naming all accused molesters “could enable victims to understand what happened to them and to seek assistance and/or redress in the courts,” said David Clohessy, director of Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.

George, who has filed more than 100 sex abuse lawsuits against the Catholic Church, said it is likely that revealing abusers' names would prompt more legal claims.

“The assumption would be that the perps have been cloaked in corporate (church) secrecy,” George said. The attorney said he is working with other alleged victims of McCabe and intends to file more lawsuits.

The North Coast diocese, which serves 167,000 Catholics from Sonoma County to the Oregon border, has paid about $25 million to settle legal claims by abuse victims.

“Mr. George is entitled to his opinion,” Galvin said. “That's all I'm going to say.”

Galvin said he still has not seen either of the lawsuits filed last month, and cannot say whether the diocese would fight the claims in court or seek settlements.

In previous cases brought by George, the diocese has succeeded “in working matters out” with a settlement, Galvin said.

The alleged victim said he is not motivated by money.

“The church could put $100 million on the table right now,” he said. “That $100 million doesn't buy back what was taken from me.”

The man said he has discussed the alleged abuse only in counseling sessions. He said he suffers nightmares and gets “cold chills” driving past the St. Bernard's rectory, where the crimes allegedly occurred.

But had the McCabe case not been made public, the man said he probably would not have come forward.

“I think I would have taken it to my grave,” he said.

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/...eka-priest

Clergy Sex Abuse Victim Reaches Settlement (Part 3)

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 14:15:32 +1000

Tag: usa

My name is Gregory J. Guggemos. I am married and my wife and I have 2 sons and 5 grandchildren. I am the person who my attorney Dave Mittleman referred to during his press conference last week who settled my claim for sexual abuse with the Lansing Diocese (“Diocese”) for $225,000.

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Today I will be reading to you a prepared written statement outlining the factual background beginning with the events which occurred from June of 1954 through the time the settlement agreement was signed by me and the Bishop for the Diocese. I will not answer any questions when I conclude reading my prepared statement. Any questions must be addressed to Dave Mittleman. I may, at sometime in the future, be willing to answer questions from the media. I ask each of you to respect my position on this issue.

My decision to go public with what occurred to me has been a very difficult one for me and my family to make. We decided to provide the media with this written statement because it is the right thing to do for two primary reasons.

The first reason is to try and reach out to other victims of sexual abuse by a priest and encourage them to come forward and seek out the necessary professional assistance so they can embark on the process of healing and to confront the parties responsible for their sexual abuse. I want to tell these victims that they no longer need to hide behind the shields of embarrassment, shame, fear and guilt as barriers to commencing the first step to a much needed healing process. I also hope that any other individual who was abused by John Slowey will have the courage to come forward as well.

My second reason is for me and my family. The pain and suffering which I experienced before and after my discovery that I was sexually abused by Slowey is indescribable. I am now well on my way into the healing process. I know now I did nothing wrong when I was at the orphanage. I have no responsibility for being sexually abused. I am a victim.

In June of 1954, when I was 5 years old, my mother became seriously ill. At that time there were 6 children in my family ranging from the ages of 9 years old to 3 months. I am the fourth oldest. When my mother became ill, my father decided that the four oldest children would be sent to the St. Vincent Orphanage located on Willow Street in Lansing, Michigan.

I remember the first day at the orphanage. I met Mother Superior Felix, the nun in charge of the orphanage. She took me to a room, showed me which bed was mine and outlined what the procedure was that I was expected to follow.

In September of 1954, I was enrolled as a first grader at St. Mary’s Elementary School in Lansing. Since I was only 5 years old, I thought I should have been going to kindergarten instead of first grade. I have a recollection of being told that the Catholic Church didn’t believe in kindergarten and that Mother Felix decided I should be enrolled in first grade.

From the first day I was at the orphanage to when I was released to my parents in the early part of 1955, I have no memory of any contact with my two sisters and brother who were also at the orphanage. In March of 1955 all six children were back with my parents at our home on Poxson Avenue in Lansing. After I left the orphanage, I attended school at St. Casimir’s in Lansing.

In the early part of 1999 I began to wonder why I had no memory of what happened to me while I was at the orphanage. I wanted to find out anything that might help me to remember what I did while I was there. I approached my mother in January and asked her. My father died in 1991. She indicated she didn’t know anything and really didn’t want to talk about it. Respectful of her position, I didn’t pursue it any further with her.

I considered talking to my two sisters and brother who were at the orphanage with me about what they remembered about their experiences at the orphanage. I decided to approach my brother. He is two years older than me. When I asked him about what he remembered about the orphanage he told me he really couldn’t remember much of anything. I then decided not to approach my two sisters.

My mother died in August of 1999. With her death, the shroud of secrecy and silence about my time at the orphanage was lifted. I decided that I should revisit the orphanage and walk through the building to see if I could remember anything or see something that might help me remember. During 1999 I began to wonder if I was sexually abused while I was at the orphanage. In 1999 there were a number of publically reported cases of sexual abuse of minors by priests in the United States. I read about them with great interest and discovered a somewhat consistent pattern about the priests who abused the minors and the emotional difficulties the victims experienced before pursuing their respective claims of sexual abuse. These patterns were similar to what I had been experiencing.

Around the middle part of November of 1999, I decided to visit the orphanage. I then found out that the orphanage was soliciting people to buy Christmas gifts for the children at the facility in order for these children to have an opportunity to enjoy the holiday season. I contacted the person in charge of the orphanage and told her who I was and that I was at the orphanage for about nine months during the mid 1950’s. I volunteered to sponsor two children if she would arrange for someone to give me a tour of the orphanage when I dropped off the gifts for the children.

About two weeks before Christmas I went to the orphanage, delivered the gifts for the two children and met the person who would be my tour guide. As I walked around the building my memory was jogged a little bit. I started to remember certain rooms and physical characteristics in different parts of the building. As I remembered things, the memories came back to me as if I was three feet tall and 5 years old.

As I walked down one corridor I noticed the ceramic tile on the walls. The tiles started at the floor and went up about four feet high. As my memory of these ceramic tiles was triggered I viewed them in my mind’s eye as if I was five years old. When I looked at the walls, the ceramic tiles were at the eye level of me as a five year old.

I also noticed what the floor looked like. It was linoleum in about one foot squares; half green background with white streaks in them and the other half with a white background with green streaks in them.

I asked my guide if we could go to the room where I slept while I was at the orphanage. I remembered the room was located on the South side of the building. There were between four and six beds in that room when I was there. My older brother and I did not sleep in the same room. He was older than me and slept in another room with boys his age.

My guide told me that changes had been made to the original rooms since I was at the orphanage. We walked to where the room was at and I remembered the windows on the South wall. The configuration of my original room had been changed. In 1999 the room was much smaller and no longer used as a bedroom.

After we left this room we went down a few steps to another hallway. When I stopped in this hallway, I looked to my left and saw an exterior door. When I saw this door I experienced a tremendous knot in my stomach and a sense of fear that I had never felt before. I felt frozen in time. My heart began to race and my breathing became very rapid and shallow. I stood still and allowed these feelings to continue to surface. They were horrible. After about thirty seconds I was able to gather my composure so I could continue the tour. I didn’t tell my guide what I had just then experienced.

We continued the tour and ended up in the garage portion of the building. I remembered being in the garage because this was where the school bus was kept. My guide then introduced me to a person she said had worked at the orphanage since it opened. I told this man that I was at the orphanage in the mid 1950’s.

I walked around the garage area for a few minutes and then asked this man if he remembered the name of the priest who was at the orphanage when it first opened. He told me the priest’s name was John Slowey. As soon as I heard the name, I remembered that name.

I then asked the guide if there were any written records in existence about either me or my siblings which I could review to see if my review of these records might help me remember anything about the time I was at the orphanage. She took me into an office area and opened the drawer of a metal filing cabinet. It was army green in color and contained index cards about 3” by 5”. She found my index card and showed it to me.

The card had my name on it, my date of birth, my parents name, the date I first arrived at the orphanage and the date I was released to go home. I asked her if there were any other written records about me. She said no.

Sometime in the latter part of 2001 I contacted a person I went to grade school with at St. Casimir’s who is a retired law enforcement officer. This person had become a private investigator after he retired. When I contacted him, I asked him if he would be willing to investigate Slowey’s career as a priest. By this time I had reason to believe something traumatic happened to me while I was at the orphanage and that Slowey was involved in it.

A few weeks later the private investigator called me and gave me a summary of his findings about Slowey’s career as a priest. He told me when Slowey was ordained, that he was assigned to various parishes and other positions in the Diocese and that the time spent at each parish or other position was relatively short. Once Slowey left a given assignment, there was no record as to what he was doing for a one to two year period until his next assignment. The private investigator confirmed that Slowey was assigned to the orphanage during the period I was there.

Sometime during the late 1950’s Slowey was made a Monsignor. After he was no longer the chaplain for the orphanage, he was placed in charge of the Catholic Social Services adoption agency. Sometime during the late 1950’s, Slowey founded the Big Brothers of Michigan.

The private investigator asked me if I wanted a copy of his written report and all the documentation he compiled as part of his investigation. At this time I wasn’t prepared emotionally to review it. I asked him to deliver the written report and the other documentation to a lawyer friend of mine who I had spoken to about my belief I was sexually abused by Slowey when I was at the orphanage.

The investigator did tell me that the numerous assignments and reassignments of Slowey were consistent with that of other priests who sexually abused minors.

I then discussed what happened to me at the orphanage and the information the private investigator provided me with my lawyer friend and a psychologist. After these discussions concluded, I decided at that time not to continue to pursue obtaining more facts and information to confirm that I was in fact sexually abused by Slowey while I was at the orphanage. My lawyer friend told me the law in Michigan with regard to the statute of limitations was anti-victims of sexual abuse who were abused while they were minors. I was also embarrassed to come forward and concerned that public disclosure would have hurt my private practice as a lawyer.

When the scandal about sexual abuse by priests in the Boston Archdiocese erupted in 2002, I followed it closely as it was disclosed by the media. I read books written about the numerous cases of sexual abuse of minors by priests in the United States and stories written about what the victims of confirmed cases of being sexually abused by a priest endured before and after coming forward with their claims of sexual abuse. Because I was still in private practice, I once again decided not to pursue my claim of sexual abuse against the Diocese.

In November of 2008 I decided to retire from the private practice of law and become general counsel for a long time client of mine. I had represented this client since 1985. I started my new career as general counsel effective December 31, 2008. My arrangement with my new employer was to work as general counsel for five years and then to retire when I turned 65.

Within a couple of weeks after I started my new job, I started feeling depressed and experienced a persistent sense of fear that I had never experienced before. My emotional condition deteriorated rapidly to the point that my wife took me to the emergency room at a local hospital during the latter part of January, 2009 because I was not able to function. My most compelling feelings and fears all centered on my belief that I was abused by Slowey while I was at the orphanage.

I became convinced in January of 2009 that I was sexually abused while at the orphanage as a result of my repressed memory about what occurred at the orphanage being triggered as a result of starting my new job.

My employer’s national headquarters are located in downtown Lansing. My employer purchased an old vacant building in 2006 and undertook to renovate it as part of a historic rehabilitation program it was developing. Once the historic rehabilitation was completed, my employer intended to relocate its national headquarters to the restored building. The historic rehabilitation was completed in early 2008 and my employer then moved its national headquarters into the building.

My office at my new job was located on the fifth floor. Every day I walked up and down the five flights of stairs on my way to and from my office. After I started experiencing feelings of depression and fear, I then realized that the walls of the stairway in the building had ceramic tile on the walls similar to the walls at the orphanage and that the linoleum on the steps, hallways and landings for each floor in the stairway was green and white linoleum acted as a stimulus to all the repressed memories about the sexual abuse I endured while at the orphanage.

While at the hospital during the latter part of January, 2009, I underwent a number of clinical tests and procedures to see if there were one or more medical conditions that could be discovered to explain why my emotional condition was deteriorating. All the tests and procedures came back negative.

While at the hospital, I spoke with my family doctor and he recommended that I be examined by a psychiatrist before being discharged. I met with the psychiatrist in the afternoon for about thirty minutes. I told him about my experiences at the orphanage, the tour of the orphanage in 1999, the similarity between the walls and floors of the orphanage and the stairway in the building where I worked. After listening to me, the psychiatrist concluded that I was in fact experiencing the depression and fear due to the triggering of my repressed memory regarding the sexual abuse I endured while at the orphanage. He also concluded that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (“PTSD”) as a result of reliving the events involving the sexual abuse at the orphanage as a result of the triggering of my repressed memory.

After I left the hospital, I immediately advised my boss of my condition and what caused it. I was placed on an extended sick leave in the early part of February, 2009.

The doctors prescribed various medications for me to take in order for me to get stabilized. In about three weeks my condition improved and I asked my doctors if I could return to work. The doctors released me to return to work and my boss agreed to allow me to return to work.

In order to reduce the chance of another relapse being triggered by going up and down the five flights of stairs in the building, I entered and exited the building through the back door and used the elevator to go to and from my office. By using this method to enter and exit the building, my exposure to the ceramic tiles and green and white linoleum was significantly reduced.

In April of 2009, I was driving up north to our vacation home. While driving, I was listening to an interview with a man who was talking about the incidents of sexual abuse of minors by priests that occurred in the United States during the 1940’s and 1950’s. I didn’t hear the name of the person being interviewed. The interview was on the National Public Radio (“NPR”) station. When I arrived at our vacation home, I told my wife about the interview and she told me to go online to the NPR website and obtain a transcript of that interview.

I ordered the transcript and received it in a couple of weeks. I listened to the entire interview and learned the name of the individual who was interviewed. The person interviewed is a reporter with the National Catholic Reporter. I sent the reporter an email and told him I was a lawyer in Michigan and I had a client that was a victim of sexual abuse by a priest and that the abuse occurred while he was a minor. I asked him to call me so I could discuss with him how I should proceed.

The reporter called me and we discussed what he said in his interview on NPR and what I could do on behalf of my unnamed client’s claim of sexual abuse. The reporter provided me with the names of David Clohessy, the national director of a victim’s abuse advocate group called Survivor Network For Those Abused By Priests (“SNAP”), Rev. Thomas Doyle and Jeff Anderson, an attorney from Minnesota. The reporter gave me their email addresses and phone numbers.

I then contacted these gentlemen and told them I believed I was sexually abused by a priest when I was a minor. I was once again informed that based on Michigan law’s anti-victims statute of limitations bar, my claim for sexual abuse was not enforceable under Michigan law.

After my initial conversations with the reporter, Clohessy, Doyle and Anderson, I met with another lawyer friend to discuss him representing me to pursue a claim against the Diocese as a result of the sexual abuse which occurred while I was at the orphanage. He, like all the other lawyers I talked with, told me my claim was barred by the anti-victims statute of limitations of Michigan law. He gave me copies of the reported appellate court cases which provided the precedent to support his conclusion that my claim was barred by the statute of limitations. I read the cases. The law in Michigan was not in my favor.

While this lawyer indicated he would not represent me, he did recommend that I meet with a psychiatrist who practiced in the Lansing area who is world renowned authority who assists people suffering from PTSD. I asked the lawyer if he would contact this psychiatrist to arrange an appointment for me to meet with him. The lawyer called the psychiatrist and I scheduled an appointment with him for April 15, 2009.

Before I left my office on the day for this appointment, I contacted the lawyer who assisted me with the investigation conducted by the private investigator in 2001 and asked him if he still had a copy of the private investigator’s written report and support documentation. He told me he did and a copy of the written report and other documentation would be at the receptionist’s desk at his office for me to pick up. I picked up the sealed envelope on my way to the appointment with the psychiatrist and took the envelope into my meeting. I did not review the contents of the envelope before I met with the psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist and I spoke for about forty five minutes as I described to him the events I’ve discussed previously about the repressed memory and diagnosis of PTSD. I then told him I had a written report from a private investigator about Slowey and he suggested that I open the envelope to review for the first time the written report and other documentation.

When I opened the envelope and removed the stack of papers, the first page I saw had a picture of Slowey. When I saw his picture, I threw all the papers up in the air and started crying uncontrollably. When I saw Slowey’s picture I had an immediate flashback to him, the orphanage and one incident of being sexually abused by Slowey. I continued to be extremely emotional and after a few minutes the psychiatrist asked me if I was okay. I told him I was fine even though I could not stop crying. I explained to him the best I could that the tears were tears of joy and not tears of sorrow or fear. When I saw Slowey’s picture and had the flashback, I immediately felt that all the questions, suspicions and fears I had for a number of years that I was sexually abused by Slowey at the orphanage were confirmed. I experienced a tremendous emotional release and feeling of being cleansed like I had never experienced before.

I continued to work. I felt stable and confident I could perform my duties as general counsel. I continued to receive help from a psychologist over the next few months. She was of the opinion that what I was experiencing was really some form of a manic stage and that I should slow down. I felt that the euphoria I was experiencing was the result of finally being able to deal with the PTSD. She was right – I was wrong.

During the first part of June, 2009, I started once again to experience depression and fear. There was one occasion when I disclosed to two friends of mine I was sexually abused while at the orphanage that I became so emotional that I had to be taken to the emergency room of a local hospital. I had to spend the night in the hospital because the doctor said I was not emotionally stable to be released to go home. I was medicated, spent the night in the hospital and released the following afternoon.

I continued to work but I knew something was going wrong. I took a week’s vacation at the end of June to get away to our place up north to see if I could try and sort things out. I was not able to do so.

After I returned from vacation I met with my doctor and told him what was going on and that my condition was deteriorating. He concluded that I needed to take an immediate and indefinite leave of absence from my job. He then directed me to take 600mg of Seroquel each day in order for my condition to get stabilized.

After my appointment with the doctor was over, I met with my boss and told him what my doctor had ordered about the leave of absence. I knew while I was talking to him that I would be off work for an extended period of time and I did not know that if my condition stabilized whether I would be able to resume my duties as general counsel. During that meeting with my boss, I resigned as general counsel.

What my wife and I had envisioned as to how we would end my career as a lawyer and prepare ourselves to enjoy retirement came to an abrupt and unanticipated conclusion. The date of my resignation was July 8, 2009.

Over the next few months I became a little more stable, but my ability to concentrate, remember things and analyze things like a lawyer was simply not available to me. We came to accept that I would never practice law again in any capacity. In November, 2009 I changed my status as an active member of the State Bar of Michigan to the status of an inactive member.

In August of 2009, I approached Dave Mittleman (another lawyer friend) and asked him if he would be interested in talking to someone I knew regarding a claim of sexual abuse. At that time I was embarrassed to tell Dave that I was the person sexually abused. A meeting was set up at Mittleman’s office. When I arrived at the meeting with Mittleman, his associate Nolan Erickson was there as well. I told Mittleman and Erickson that the victim was me. I then told them everything I have previously discussed.

I told Mittleman and Erickson that I wanted to meet with the representatives of the Diocese and I would like them to represent me at the meeting. They both agreed even though we all knew about the anti-victims statute of limitations bar under Michigan law.

Erickson contacted a representative of the Diocese and a meeting was scheduled for the latter part of September, 2009. There were 2 priests at the meeting on behalf of the Diocese, another employee of the Diocese, Mittleman, Erickson and myself. I told the representatives of the Diocese everything I’ve stated earlier.

At the conclusion of the meeting, one priest told us that the next step was for the Diocese to determine if what I told them was credible and if so, then I would have to meet with the Diocese Review Board. I agreed to meet with the Review Board and asked the priest to contact Mittleman to arrange the time for the next meeting. The meeting with the two priests lasted a little more than an hour – from about 10:00 a.m. to 11:15 a.m.

Within less than an hour after the meeting with the two priests ended, a member of the Review Board called Mittleman to schedule the meeting with the Review Board. The meeting with the Review Board was scheduled for the Friday of the following week.

Mittleman, Erickson and I met with the Review Board the following week. Only the members of the Review Board were present on behalf of the Diocese.

I told the members of the Review Board the same information I told to the two priests at the prior meeting held the week earlier. The meeting with the Review Board lasted about an hour or so.

Once the Review Board meets with a victim, it is required to prepare a written report about the meeting and provide it to the Bishop. The Bishop is then required to provide a copy of this report to the victim. A copy of the report prepared by the Review Board about my meeting with it has never been provided by the Diocese to me or my lawyers.

In December, 2009 the Bishop of the Diocese sent me a letter. A copy of the letter is attached to the written statement to be provided to each of you. The Bishop informed me that since I was represented by counsel, the Diocese retained a lawyer to represent it with regard to my claim I was sexually abused while I was at the orphanage during 1954-1955.

In January of this year, I attended a meeting at Mittleman’s office, which meeting was requested by the Diocese’s lawyer. Mittleman, Erickson and I were at the meeting with him. I told the Diocese’s lawyer the same things I told during my meetings with the two priests and the Review Board. This meeting lasted an hour or so.

After this meeting concluded, all matters involving the final settlement with the Diocese were conducted between Mittleman, Erickson and the Diocese’s lawyer. The written settlement agreement between me and the Diocese was finalized about 2 weeks ago. I believe a copy of the settlement agreement will also be provided to all of you.

When the Diocese paid the $225,000 settlement, the check was drawn on the Diocese's bank account. The settlement proceeds paid to me by the Diocese was not paid by a check issued by the Diocese's insurance company.

In June of this year my wife and I attended the graduation ceremony from kindergarten for our oldest grandchild. There were about one hundred or so children graduating from kindergarten. During the ceremony as I was looking at all these children on the stage, it dawned on me that these children were the same age as I was when I was abused while at the orphanage. I thought to myself, hopefully none of these children experienced what I went through when I was their age.

The events which occurred since December 31, 2008, the date I started my new job through signing of the settlement agreement have bordered on the bizarre and at times were incomprehensible by me and my wife. What was intended to be a five year slow down period for us to prepare for the autumn of our lives and to spoil our grandchildren never materialized. My “dream job” resulted in an eighteen month nightmare. Fortunately, for us we have made it through this extremely difficult period and now can move along the path of healing and hopefully closure. One way we look at it is that we have an additional four years to spoil our grandchildren.

I would like to personally thank Dave Mittleman and Nolan Erickson for believing in me and agreeing to represent me in this matter even though they both knew the law in Michigan did not permit a victim who was sexually abused by a priest while a minor to maintain a claim against the responsible party after discovering the abuse in his later years. Without their support and advocacy I would not be here today telling you my story. Saying thank you is not even enough but that’s all I can do.

I would also like to thank two other people who supported my wife and me though the last eighteen months. They agreed to let me name them publically. Their names are Phil and Sylvia Frederickson. Phil is a past president of the company I worked for as general counsel and is the one I started working with when he retained me as the lawyer for the company in 1985. When the events of the last 18 months started to unravel, we told Phil and Sylvia what was going on and they have been there for us every step of the way. Their unwavering support along with the support of Dave and Nolan has been instrumental in bringing this chapter of our lives further along the healing process.

Thank you for your time and your attention. Again, thank you for respecting my decision, at this time, to not answer any questions. As is apparent, I am still going through the various phases of the healing process. I am in fact healing, but this process is difficult and very painful at times. I continue to experience emotions such as fear, guilt and depression. Please direct any questions to Dave Mittleman.

http://lansing.injuryboard.com/miscel...l+Blogs%29

A sexual abuse survivor’s tale

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 00:33:25 +1000

Tag: belize

In our country (Belize), molestation is something we daily gossip about, - because it either affects our neighbors or someone we know, but it is not often that we speak about the abuse we ourselves have suffered. Most women who have been sexually abused may not know (or may choose to ignore) the effects of what it has caused, but molestation has many effects. As I tell my story you will see how it affected me.

Story Continues below

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I am a twenty one year old woman attending the University of Belize in Belmopan. I was sexually abused from ages five to fourteen. My first abuser was a woman - she was my babysitter. She fondled me, telling me that she cared and loved me. I knew it was wrong but she kept telling me everything will be okay. I listened when she told me not to tell anyone, and being just a child, I didn’t know better. All children are vulnerable. My mother would have been at work when this happened.

Since I lived in Belmopan, during the summer vacations, my mother always sent me to the village to visit my grandparents. My grandparents both work, but my grandfather’s job was close to home. While I was there a man named Jose was renting a room at my grandparents’ house. During the night, when my grandparents were asleep, he would enter my room to kiss and fondle me. Jose told me he cared about me and loved me. Then, during the day, my three male cousins, Henry, Kevin and Mark, along with their sister Betty who were teenagers, would come to visit me. All three of them fondled me at the same time and guided me to perform activities on them.

There were times when they visited individually to do what they wanted with me. It then became a habit of theirs. I knew something was wrong and I always wondered why they would touch me when my grandparents where away. There were times also when my grandmother would be in the kitchen and my grandfather in his room and yet they touched me inappropriately. I was confused; I knew it was wrong but they talked to me and made me feel like I was safe. They made me believe that it was normal. I was still only five years old when this incident first happened. So every summer this was nothing new to me, I always expected it to happen. Betty had also fondled me once.

When I was seven my mother started to date a guy named Bob. In the beginning of their relationship everything was good, so we moved to live at a village so that mom could be close to him. A few months passed and I found myself not liking the fact that they were together at all. There were many nights when he came home drunk and started to verbally and physically abuse my mother. Even when he was sober he was verbally abusive. I disliked how he was treating her; I often cried, asking my mom why she doesn’t leave him? Her response was that she needed help to raise me, and because she loved him, but at that age I didn’t understand it much; all I wanted was for her to leave him. Then, after that, my mom wanted me to call him “dad” and because I disliked him for what he was doing I refused. However, my mom then nagged me and scolded me. It felt like she was forcing me to call him “dad”. So I did it just to keep her quiet.

I started to develop anger towards my mom and more towards Bob. One night when Bob came home drunk, he wanted to hit my mom. I felt so scared and defenseless. He nearly hit me too, but my mother shouted at him to not let that happen. We were outside the house when I grabbed him on his shirt and swung him around until he fell, after which I ran for my life! After a few weeks when I was sitting alone in the house, Bob came in from work. I was sitting on the couch, he came and sat beside me and started to tell me sweet words, saying that he cared about me and loved me. But while he was saying this he was fondling me. I began to hate the way things were, so out of anger I told my mother that he had molested me. Bob denied it and responded that I’m only saying it because I want to separate them. Mom believed me in a way, but because I had shown signs that I hated him she was not completely convinced that I was telling the truth. So I was sent to the village to live with my grandparents.

When I arrived, I told my grandmother what had happened. She felt sad and told me not to worry about it- that I will get over it. While living there, although only nine years old, I had to do house chores; sweeping, cleaning, washing dishes, preparing supper early in the morning before I go to school and making supper after my classes. My Aunt Kathy and her baby boy were living with us as well. So, I had a little cousin, whom I had to attend to most of the time. Then when I wanted to go and play with my friends, my grandmother would allow me out for just one hour. I was okay with that at first but they started to get more and more demanding of me. My little cousin was getting on my nerves and I also had to deal with my schooling. So I felt trapped and suffocated. Sometimes I just wanted to be able to breathe! So I joined a football team at my school.

My coach was a very nice guy called Ramos. Practicing sessions started at 5:30 until 6:30am. I really loved it, I loved it so much. It was my way of relaxing, releasing some stress. The work out was great. After a while, my grandmother started to complain that I was spending too much time outside the house. So she called my mother to complain about it. They stopped me from playing football. I cried because I felt so sad and disappointed. I went to Ramos asking him if he can kindly ask my grandmother to allow me to play. So he went and she just said no. That was when my life started to crumble. I got so depressed, because like I said before, they were getting on my nerves. Then it was like the one hour of play wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more freedom.

When I started to stay out longer my grandmother would punish me and not let me go out at all except to go to school. I felt so closed in, I needed to breathe, and then I got more depressed and started to cut my wrist, but after a couple of weeks, I stopped doing it. Now I wanted to take my own freedom, so when my grandmother would say take one hour, I started to take two or more hours out of the house. Then I began to cope by drinking and hanging out with my cousins (not the ones who molested me, but my other cousins).

Since I was in my village, during the summer vacations, I visited my mother in Belmopan. I have an Aunt named Sally also living in Belmopan. She was dating a guy named Ray. They both made my little cousin Abby. I was aged twelve at this time. Ray and Sally loved to go out on weekends to the club, so while they were out I would be the one babysitting Abby. Everything was okay; I enjoyed being there because no one was around to hurt me. But then, one night, Ray’s father came from the states to visit. He was in his late 50’s. I didn’t worry about him because he was old. He went to bed before Ray and Sally went to the club. After they had left, I sat on the couch to watch TV. A while passed then Ray’s father came out of his room. He sat beside me and turned the channel to pornography. He touched and fondled me. I was in shock because I really didn’t expect it. I couldn’t move much and he told me that everything is okay; to let me not be afraid and said he liked me a lot. I got more frightened when I saw him erected - all of a sudden he was on top of me. I thought I heard something outside so I told him out of fright that my aunt was back. He immediately separated from me and looked through the window, but no one was there. Then he lost his erection and got angry and scolded me about it. He didn’t attempt to touch me again, instead he gave me money. I felt worthless when he did that so I didn’t want to take it. I told him to keep it, then he said no take it and because I refused, he shoved it in my underwear. This only happened once. A few weeks after that happened, he went back to the states and I heard that he died a few years later.

When summer vacation was over, I went back to my grandparents. While I was there, my Aunt Kathy dated a guy named Sam. Since my grandparents have three bedrooms, they were staying with us for a while just until they finished building their house. Sam was in his late twenties. I was thirteen at this time. One night Sam, my grandfather, and I, were watching a very nice movie in the living room. I was also using my Aunt’s nail polish on my fingers and toes. Before the movie was over, my grandfather went to bed. I stayed because the movie was almost finished. Being there, Sam asked me if I liked the movie. I told him yea I do, so he started to have a conversation with me about it. Then he asked if he could see my nails so I showed him. But then he got more friendly and closer to me.

I was not surprised by the actions because as you can see I’ve been getting that kind of attention most of my life. However, it felt weird because he was my Aunt’s boyfriend. He began telling me how pretty I am and that he liked me. He rubbed my hands and stared in my eyes, telling me he really liked me, and to not be afraid of him and that no one has to know anything about us. He kept talking and led my hands on his private area. I was scared but he kept talking to me that it was okay. After this incident, I was uncomfortable when I would see him, but he always tried to talk to me nicely so that I felt safe - just the way my cousins did! He was nice and friendly with me and began to kiss me. He was the one I started to have sexual intercourse with. He told me he loved me and he only started to date my Aunt Kathy because he wanted to be close to me. He told me so many things until I believed him and fell in love with him. He also told me he wanted to run away with me and would take good care of me. He wanted so much but I told him I don’t want to run away. Then after a couple of months Sam told me that he would have to marry my Aunt Kathy otherwise she would have lost her job as a Catholic teacher. When he told me that I felt hurt, I felt broken down and confused. After their wedding, I could hardly talk to him. I wanted to keep my distance from him but he kept coming to me, telling me he cares so much and that he is sorry, and that he loved me. Our secret relationship lasted a year. It ended when I was fourteen. Around this time too, Sam’s brother fondled me.

My mother was still dating Bob when I moved back to Belmopan. I had no respect for him. I hated him so much because he was the one closest to me as a father figure, and who betrayed me and my mother. He hurt me emotionally but my mother kept nagging me to respect him. She seemed to abandon my feelings; I felt so rejected. After a couple of years my mother found out that he was cheating on her and their relationship ended. When he left, things were not the same - actually I can honestly say it was worse because my mother had rejected me so many times I didn’t want to talk to her. I felt like she took his side and ignored how I felt. There were times too when I cried on my pillow before going to sleep because I wanted to be closer to my mother. I wanted her to apologize to me, I wanted her so badly to come and comfort me, but instead we just hardly even talked.

When I became nineteen, I began to date a guy named Will. We have been dating almost three years now. He is a very wonderful, amazing partner to me. He asked me about my secret life and he was the first one who I told about it. I was too ashamed to mention this to anyone. It was only after I had opened up to Will that I started to realize the effects of molestation. That’s when I learned about who I really am. Most of the time, I didn’t understand why I cry when Will does not want to make love to me. I didn’t understand why when I don’t want to have sex I still do it. I didn’t understand why when I’m having sex it’s like my body is just there receiving but my mind is not there. I was spacing out most of the time while making love. I didn’t know why I acted the way I acted sometimes. So I did some research and asked for advice. That’s when I learned that I have an intimacy issue that causes me to confuse sex and love. I try to meet needs that aren’t sexual by using sex. If I want a hug or a kiss I have sex instead. I have emotional issues and anger issues as well. I don’t hate the people who molested me, they didn’t create the scene for me to hate them, they created a scene that they cared and loved me and besides I hardly see them. Most of my anger is towards my mother and I also lashed out at Will. However, I know both of them don’t deserve my anger, so I’m correctly trying to find other ways to release it.

I’m still angry with my mother because when I mentioned all of this to her she made it sound as if it was my fault, but now I know she is only saying it because she is angry with herself for not believing me in the first place. I can see in her actions that she feels guilty and tries being nice, but I want her to apologize to me and admit she did wrong. I know she will do it in time. I will have to try and work with her - it’s difficult to do, but I will do my best.

It is perhaps not my mother’s fault that molestation happened to me, nor is it my grandparent’s fault either, but I do blame them for not doing anything when I mentioned that Bob sexually abused me, because if they had acted then, I would have opened up about the others. Currently, I’m doing some recovery of my own by reading self-help books and talking to people about my issues. I’m learning a lot more about myself so I feel good. I am also a codependent person. I will talk more about codependency later on in my other articles. The main reason why I wrote this article is because I want to meet and talk to other women who have been molested. I would like to know if they are aware of the effects of molestation in their lives. I would just want to know how you are dealing with your issues, and if they are similar to mine or different. Then perhaps we can help each other with the issues. I know I am not the only one going through this. In our country, many of us hear about molestation of children, but how many of us know the effects it has when the child gets older?

I’ve been searching for professional help here in Belize and so far I haven’t found a person who specifically deals with sexual abuse survivors. We have a counselor who deals with family issues and Aids/HIV victims. Also, we have a counselor who deals with relationships and with women who have been battered by their men, but I’m searching for someone who is trained to help me in the area of child sexual abuse. If you know of someone please contact me. Children who have been molested will probably grow up to have similar issues as me. So if we would have someone trained to help them it would be wonderful. But what about us adults who have been molested? We are still affected because we haven’t dealt with our issues. I want to deal with my issues because I want better for my life. God has done so much for me; he made me survive my past, but he will only do so much for me. I have to do my own part to make it complete. So far I have been working on my issues one day at a time because it is a slow process of recovery. It’s not easy, but I am trying my best. I want to hear from other survivors. I don’t want to create a group yet; I would just want to talk about it.
You can e-mail me at sexualabuse_survivor@hotmail.com This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

http://www.guardian.bz/all-news/59-ot...ivors-tale

Coming Out of the Shadows of Sexual Abuse

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 04:29:37 +1000

Tag: usa
Tag: youtube

By James F Moran

Three victims of Sexual abuse (as a child/vulnerable adult; male and female; victim of clergy/college professor/neighbor) relate their stories and explain the impact the abuse has had in their lives.

Story Continues below

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The Purpose is to help victims find the courage to come forward to begin their healing journey AND to help non-victims understand more clearly the negative and life-long impact that sexual abuse plays in a person's life.

Coming Out of the Shadows of Sexual Abuse from James F Moran on Vimeo.

http://vimeo.com/13900438

This should not have happened to a child

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 22:58:24 +1000

Tag: england

Two decades after he was abused by a Catholic priest, Mark Dixon is still waiting for the Catholic church to acknowledge his pain. In the second of two articles, he tells Chris Lloyd how he confronted his past.

"I WOULD kill him,” says Mark Dixon coldly, referring to the priest who sexually abused him years before he was in his teens.

Story Continues below

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While telling in shocking detail what he suffered at the hands of Father David Taylor, the youth chaplain of the Diocese of Hexham and Newcastle in the early Eighties, Mark, now 38, has appeared calm, recalling without hyperbole events from 25 years earlier that to this day remain vividly with him.

How, as an altar boy at St Joseph’s Roman Catholic Church in Coundon, County Durham, he was groomed and then abused by the predatory priest.

Last April, Taylor was sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison for his crimes against Mark and two other boys who attended his youth clubs in Seaham 25 years ago. He is due to be released later this year, but for Mark, there is no easy way out of the pain that remains after all the years.

Having thought long and hard about what he would do if he ever again came face-to-face with the priest who abused him when he was ten, he replies: “Yes, I would. I would kill him.

I hold him responsible for everything that’s gone wrong in my life.

“This is something that should not have happened to a child. When something goes wrong, I always think would this have happened to me if I had had a normal childhood?

“And then there are days…”

He stops again, this time his voice trailing away. He is not ashamed to describe in detail the horrific acts the priest performed on him – he has come to accept they were not his fault.

But he is ashamed that more than two decades later they reduced him to an attempt to kill himself with “a concoction of headache pills”.

“I wasn’t strong enough to follow it through,” he says. “It was on my mind. It has been several times, and if I didn’t have such a strong wife, I might well have done it.”

It was meeting Lisa in May 2007 that helped uncork all he had been bottling up since he had escaped Taylor’s clutches in 1985.

He had thrown himself into athletics. “That was my life, my love: I ate and slept training,”

he says. With Shildon Running Club, he came third behind European gold medalist Jared Deacon three years running in the 400 metres; during his three years with Durham Constabulary, he won the Police British and European 400 metres Championship and was preparing for a tilt at the police world title when he was bitten by a police dog and his career was ended.

After that, Mark immersed himself in bodybuilding.

His almost obsessive dedication was his way of coping. It worked – for a while.

“I bumped into Taylor at a gala in Durham in about 1997 and I was in my police uniform.

You should have seen the look on his face. But I didn’t give it a thought. I had put it behind me.

It was in the distant past.”

But the end of his police career triggered him to write to the Vatican saying he’d been abused.

He ran through a succession of sales jobs – “my mind wasn’t right, I just couldn’t stick at anything” – but through one of them he met Lisa.

“As you get to know somebody, all your details come out,” he says. “When we decided to get married I started to say that I didn’t want to take this secret to my grave, that I needed to bring it out into the open.

“Then, in July 2008, I bumped into someone in Bishop Auckland Market Place and they made an off-the-cuff comment that they had seen Fr Taylor and that he was a really nice guy, he’d done loads with the kids, and that he’d been really kind to me.

“I knew then I had to tell what had gone on, warts and all. It was tearing me apart.”

He contacted a former police colleague for whom the name David Taylor rang bells. Allegations had first been made against Taylor in 2001, but had come to nothing. A second victim came forward in early 2008, causing the priest to be suspended from his Gateshead parish in May. Mark was the third.

Unburdening himself at first proved a relief, but he soon realised the terrible effect it would have on his adoptive parents, Alan and Margaret, of Bishop Auckland.

“I know how much their faith means to them,” he says. “It took them months to come to terms with it. In fact, I don’t think they have.

My mam didn’t want to go to church. She blamed herself, but it wasn’t her fault – she didn’t ask him to do it.”

THE legal procedure began. Every intimate detail from Mark’s secret childhood was suddenly exposed. It overwhelmed him. “The court appearance really hit me hard,” he says. “I saw him in court and it was a blur. Lisa said all the colour drained from me and that the bench was shaking because I was gripping it with such anger.”

Taylor, then 59, admitted five offences of indecent assault on three boys aged 12 to 15 between 1982 and 1986. Judge Guy Whitburn accepted that the abuse had stopped when he’d ceased to be youth chaplain and moved to a parish in Billingham.

Taylor’s barrister, Peter Walsh, painted a picture of a “young and naïve” priest who had been “inexperienced after the closed world of the seminary”. When he was appointed youth chaplain, he had no management support and had not had any training about the “vulnerabilities of the people they (priests) deal with and also of themselves” – something the church had since addressed.

Mark recalls: “In court Father Taylor muttered ‘I’m sorry’ and that was it.

“As a victim, you want him to get as long a sentence as possible, and when the judge said two years six months, I thought that was per victim so it would come to seven-and-a-half years which was OK.

“Then he said it was to run concurrently, and I thought he’s going to be out in under two years. It was very demoralising.”

Since last May, Mark has been trying to rebuild his life. He returned to his devotions in the gym. In December, Lisa gave birth to their son, and only last week, after a year of searching, he secured a “dream job” as a fitness instructor.

But throughout, something niggled, and as Taylor’s release date has neared, it has niggled more and more. It goes deeper than the £13,500 compensation he received from the church for his “personal injury”. It doesn’t cover his loss of income during the year he was unable to work, but the church did settle promptly and, according to the sliding scale of damages, fairly.

Mark searches for the words to describe the inescapable niggling.

“I’ve written three times to the Vatican but not even received a reply,” he says. “It just feels as if their attitude has been ‘oh well, it’s just another case’. There’s not even been a letter of regret or apology. There’s been no sense of acknowledgement.”

He says the last word nearly triumphantly because at last he’s found the source of the niggle.

As we reported yesterday, the diocese believes it has done all it can to assist the victims of Taylor, yet from where Mark stands, it has not done enough.

Perhaps it never will be able to make up for a childhood erased by a priest.

“The public perception is that the priest is dealt with by the church, but they forget about the victims,” he says. “I’ve felt that since the court case their loyalty was with him because he’d given 30 years of service. But I’d given 14 years of service as an altar boy. And he’d taken away these important years of my life as a child.

“I feel as if they could have done so much more to make good. Yes, just an acknowledgement that something had gone wrong and I had suffered – that would be a start.”

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/feat..._child___/

I was abused at the hands of a priest

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:02:36 +1000

Tag: england

A FORMER altar boy told last night how he was sexually abused by a priest during retreats to Holy Island and Lourdes.

Mark Dixon, 38, of Darlington, told how he was ten when he became a victim of Father David Taylor, then the youth chaplain for the Diocese of Hexham and Newcastle.

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Over three years in the Eighties he was abused in a former convent in County Durham and in the priest’s campervan.

Mr Dixon is speaking out because his abuser is likely to be released this year having served two-thirds of his sentence for abusing three boys.

“I was in the last year of junior school in Coundon when it started,” said Mr Dixon.

“But even now, nearly 20 years later, it is there in my mind. It will never leave me.”

He has waived his anonymity because, at a time when the Catholic church is coming under increased scrutiny over child sex abuse, he believes that ordinary people do not understand the psychological scars that the abuse leaves on victims.

“The public’s perception is that the Church and the courts deal really well with a priest, but they forget about the people it has happened to,” said Mr Dixon, who became depressed and attempted suicide in the lead-up to last year’s court case.

“I’ve sent three letters to the Vatican and not had a single word back. Father Taylor’s been defrocked by the Pope so even he must know what’s gone on, but there’s not even been a letter from my local diocese.”

The first allegations against Taylor emerged in 2001 when he was parish priest in Billingham, near Stockton, but it was not until new allegations were made in 2008 that he was suspended from his new parish in Low Fell, Gateshead.

The judge at the hearing, Guy Whitburn, said the delay in dealing with Taylor was “unsatisfactory and disgraceful”, although he accepted it had not put any further boys at risk.

He spoke of the “devastating effect” the abuse had on victims, who all came from devout Catholic families, although he praised the way the Church had responded to the second round of allegations.

Paul Young, the diocese safeguarding co-ordinator, said: “I echo the words of the Archbishop of Westminster, the Most Reverend Vincent Nichols, who said in April ‘The criminal offences committed by some priests are a profound scandal. They bring deep shame to the whole Church.

“‘We express our heartfelt apology and deep sorrow to those who have suffered abuse, those who have felt ignored, disbelieved or betrayed.

We ask their pardon, and the pardon of God for these terrible deeds done in our midst. There can be no excuses’.”

Mr Young continued: “In this case, we have contacted all the victims to see what support, guidance and assistance we are able to offer.

“When I receive notification of (Taylor’s) release, I will contact victims to notify them.”

He said it was standard procedure for the Vatican to at least acknowledge any letters it received.

Mr Dixon said: “I just feel as if they wanted to get the court case done and dusted so that it was all over and no more need to be said.

“I just feel I have been hung out to dry, to get on with rebuilding my life on my own. I don’t even know of a victims’ group to turn to.”

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news..._a_priest/

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